I'm all out of clever captions for this pic.

About six weeks ago, while I was furiously packing for Road Trip 2011 and had the entire contents of my walk-in closet strewn all over my adjacent home office, the Wee Lass wandered in to “help” me.

And of course immediately, that “help” morphed into her putting her grubby little mitts all over everything I was trying to jam into my matchy-matchy set of Sonia Kashuk lightweight luggage. (Which performed fabulously, btw…)

“What’s this?” she asked, holding up a wrapped tampon and eyeballing it. “A finger trap?”

“It’s a long story,” I replied, politely prying it from her five-year-old fingers. “Literally. It’s like never-ending.”

But of course we all know that the Tale of the Tampon is, in fact, not never-ending. It ends alright, taking a massive chunk of our sanity, our sense of well-being – and according to one bubble-headed Real Housewife - our beauty right along with it.

Okay mamas: Raise your manicured paw if you watched in horror, as I did, while Ramona Singer told the entire freaking universe that she was having her period on the RHONY reunion show last week.

For those of you who have better things to do with your time than watch RHONY (and I’m not one of you, because even though Beverly Hills pretty much ruined me for all the other franchises, I’ve still seen this entire season), allow me to catch you up:

1. Ramona is 54.

2. Ramona thinks the secret to her surprisingly youthful 54-year-old skin is the fact that she still gets her period.

3. Ramona’s lovely 16-year-old daughter Avery also thinks that the secret to Ramona’s surprisingly youthful 54-year-old skin is the fact that Mommy still gets her period.

4. Ramona, who is 54, recently thought she was preggers because the aforementioned period, which she gets “like clockwork,” was late.

5. Ramona is 54. I already said that? My bad. Just wanted to be clear on that fact.

The whole thing was so, so, sooooooooo sad. Why? Because shortly, like tomorrow, Ramona’s alleged fountain of youth – the so-called secret to her defiantly wrinkle-free skin – is gonna shuffle off to Buffalo. And then what? She instantly turns into a wizened old hag? Talk about setting yourself up.

If this is the latest weapon in the “I’m prettier than you are” wars, count me out. Well maybe not just yet. After all, I’m 48 and I still get my period. Nyah nyah!

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