Breakfast: So not the most important meal of the day*

Once in a while? Mebbe.
Once in a while? Mebbe. But not every darn day.

It’s the first, official, back-to-the-grind week of 2015 (and my neighbor across the street stilllllll hasn’t taken down his massive Xmas lights, and it’s driving me a tad mental), and from what I can glean, everyone, everywhere is feeling as fat as a house.

How else to explain why every news story, blog post, TV segment and message winging its way to us via carrier pigeon is about losing weight?

Happily, I’m not one of the millions – billions? – feeling as fat as house right now.

Mostly, that’s because I went to a starvation spa in an undisclosed location last month, to write about it for an undisclosed magazine, to hit the newsstands in an undisclosed time-frame.

And ever since I got back, I’ve been glued to the scale in hopes that the numbers will head south. At the very least, they need to not head north.

North is not good. No siree.

I’ve also become completely – utterly! – obsessed with Intermittent Fasting, which we will now abbreviate to IF because I’ll be IF-ing this and IF-ing that all throughout the rest of this IF-ing blog post.

Uh oh – just kinda broke my New Year’s Res to stop electronically swearing so much. Not really though, right?

So what exactly is Intermittent Fasting, aka IF, you ask?

Please, people! Use your noodle! Stop expecting me to do all the heavy mental lifting for you!

Basically, IF means skipping meals or – drastically reducing calories – on a regular basis. The idea is that by compressing your “eating window” to 8 hours or so – say, from 11 am to 7 pm – you allow your body to recharge, and burn fuel from existing fat. Another popular way to IF is the 5:2 diet, which ¬†entails picking two days a week and scaling waaaaaaay back on food.

For me, IF means skipping breakfast most days and not eating until 11 at the earliest. I have coffee with non-dairy creamer, and loads of lemon water (I’m super-big on alkalinizing lemon-water) and that’s it for hours. Sure, some mornings I’m hungry, so I’ll grab a handful of nuts. But 90 percent of the time, I’m good until mid-day.

Your IF “story” could be totally different. Maybe you absolutely have to eat in the morning, but then you can wind your daily food consumption down by about 3pm. Everyone’s different, hence the asterisk in the title of this award-winning blog post.

Although IF has its detractors, loads of other health gurus think it’s great, great, great.¬†Maybe when I get back home from taking the Wee Lass to tennis class, I’ll hop back in here and tic off some of the many body bennies IF is thought to confer.

Apparently there’s a “dark side” to IF, one in which IF-ers get so gung-ho about the buzz they get from fasting that they jump the behavioral fence right into an eating disorder.

While I’ve occasionally joked about wanting to acquire an eating disorder so I can slim down, I’ve recently heard the Wee Lass complaining about having a chubby belly and it has COMPLETELY freaked me out. Like way more than my neighbor across the street with the guns-blazing Xmas lights circa Jan 5.

Eating disorders aren’t funny. So if you can’t IF without slipping into one yourself, don’t IF-ing IF. Capeesh?